We often do not expect what life throws at us. In order to coexist with others as business partners, colleagues, family, and best of friends, we must somehow find a way to trust the people we are dealing with. However, this trust is thrown back in our faces with betrayals that we never imagined possible.
I have had my fair share of pain in life but never have I felt as deeply hurt as when I was betrayed by a friend. I was initially gripped with shock and disbelief until reality kicked in…I have been betrayed!
The following are concrete steps you can take to deal with a breach of trust as this will help with the healing process: –
1 Take Care of Yourself
When I learnt and understood what has happened to me, I began to first learn how to manage my emotions. Initially I was filled with rage, pain and humiliation but after a while I began to see the negative impact it had on my health and wellbeing. I decided to take a break by gradually letting go of the hurt I felt by judging the act and not the person. I also learned with time that I had to take care of myself in order to avoid breaking down completely as that would be far worse. I also did lots of journaling and meditation which turned out to be extremely helpful.
2: Avoid Taking Life Changing Decisions On The Spur Of The Moment
Remember the quote ‘don’t make decisions when you are angry’? Stick to this quote when faced with betrayal, and try not to say things that could hurt you later. Do not castigate the person particularly in social gatherings, as it does not speak well of you. Take enough time to reflect on what happened before you decide on how you would relate in future with the person who offended you.
3: Do Not Retaliate
Two wrongs do not make a right, so avoid thoughts that focus on vengeance or trying to get even with your offender. The time you invest on plotting revenge can be better used to process your healing. It is also advisable to seek medical help if you think you need it.
4: Confide in Someone
Speaking out when you are going through pain is a very good way to heal. Speak to a therapist or someone you can trust.
Forgiveness is easier said than done when it comes to betrayal. First, you must learn to forgive yourself for trusting the wrong person before learning to forgive the one who betrayed you. This does not imply you condone the act but it means you are willing and able to move on to the next chapter of your life.
Forgiveness is unconditional while trust is conditional and must be earned. Consequently, you may choose to end the relationship with the person that betrayed you while still being cordial with him or her. This means you must not entertain any feelings of guilt as the person’s actions fractured the bond that once existed between both of you.
Once the person earns your trust over time by making amends for previous wrongs done, you may then consider rebuilding the relationship again.
6: Plan Your Future Growth
Carefully take stock of your life by reflecting on the steps you took, identify those you have wronged or those who offended you, as well as corrections to be made. This helps you grow in a healthy way. Once you have healed completely, you can reach out to others, trust them and build lasting relationships.
The fact that you were betrayed does not mean the end of the world. You can love and be loved again as you will still find lots of people with whom you can share meaningful experiences. This key to this and your healthy growth in future is to let go of all negativity that came with being hurt and embrace positivity as you heal.